The city of Sidney, Montana, was named for six-year-old Sidney Walters. Were it instead named after Sidney's sister, the city's name would be Hannah, Montana.

I stand up, my pants fall down
I get arrested and dragged downtown
I'm waterboarded, and when it stops
I've got this message for the cops:

While you waste your time with me
An evil blonde is running free
Underneath her headset and sequins
Lurks a true juvenile deliquent!

Hannah, Hannah Montana
Carjacked my van in Tarzana
Hannah, Hannah Montana
Bitch-slapped my Nana

She may look cute, she may look nice
But she's invaded Belgium twice
She runs on battery - and assault
And global warming is all her fault

Hannah, Hannah Montana
Imports her hash from Havana
Hannah, Hannah Montana
Burned down Atlanta

She started typhoid and M.S.
And the global economic mess
Don't tell my achy breaky heart
That her music makes me shart

Hannah, Hannah Montana
Hates all Arquettes but Rosanna
Hannah, Hannah Montana
Smoked my banana

Every time an earthquake hits
Guess who is having giggle fits?
Hey, tweens: Our lawyers require us
To say Beware of the Miley Virus!

Before settling on the name "Hannah Montana," Disney executives considered "Shasta Nebraska," "Melanoma Oklahoma," and "Regina Saskatchewan."

If Miley Cyrus married Peter Coyote, she'd be Miley Coyote. If she married Noah Wyle, she'd be Miley Wyle. If she married Bill O'Reilly, she'd be institutionalized.

Hannah, Hannah Montana
Hannah Montana!

© 2009+ Spaff, LLC
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