Parody of Dan Fogelberg's "Same Old Lang Syne"

M. Spaff Sumsion: Concept and lyrics
Robert Lund: Vocals, instruments and production

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    I met your mother in the trailer park
    Out turning tricks for beer and gas
    I stole behind her like a tiger shark
    And I bit her on the ass

    She didn't know me till I grabbed her wig
    And said she looked like Donald Trump
    She couldn't kick me with her wooden leg
    So she beat me with the stump

    We pledged to spend the night severely blitzed
    And hailed some cabbie from Iraq
    We paid our fare to town with counterfeits
    And we spent the change on crack

    We went to have ourselves a drink or two
    But all her child support was gone
    We stole some Cuervo from the Circle Q
    And we drank it in the john

    We drank a toast to impotence
    We drank a toast to cows
    We tried to sing and dance like Mexicans
    But neither one knew how

    She said you kids were effing worthless slobs
    And that her pimp was still a jerk
    She would have liked to try some decent jobs
    But she didn't like to work

    I said for broads her age her body cooked
    A total lie to try to score
    I called her "Britney Eyes"; they really looked
    Like Marty Feldman's more

    She said she saw me on the wanted signs
    And heard I busted out of jail
    I said it rocked to meet celebrities
    But the water sports were hell

    We drank a toast to breast implants
    We drank a toast to Pong
    While singing in our underpants
    Another old lame song

    The room was stinky and our livers shot
    And I was far too plowed to play
    We took turns puking in the parking lot
    And I watched her limp away

    Just for a moment I was going straight
    But then I jacked an SUV
    And as I swerved to miss the Super 8
    I drove straight through a tree


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