Parody of "The River of Dreams" by Billy Joel
Lyrics by M. Spaff Sumsion

Sample/Download from the Mad Music Archive
Featured on the Dr. Demento Show! Request it again!

In the middle of the night
I go walking in the street
Like a Charlie Brown ghost
With two holes in a sheet
I'm out there looking for candy
Something chocolate or large
Praise the Halloween gods
'Cause it's all free of charge

Even though it's minus-twenty degrees
I'll walk down every driveway and knock every door
I'll strain to see, and my nuggets'll freeze
But there's a Hershey-bar stash and I'm a Krackel whore

In the middle of the night
I go out to trick-or-treat
Through the projects and slums
To the wealthy jerks' streets
I'm out fighting with SpongeBobs,
Hulk-y Shrek-y green things,
Geeks from Star Wars and Myst
And The Lord of the Rings

I don't know why I go risking my life
'Cause you can find this crap on sale all over the place
But ya know I'll never call it a night
Until I've filled every inch of this pillow case

In the middle of the night
I go walking up your street
Trip and fall on your porch
Oops, your pumpkin was neat
But still I'm searching for candy
Fork it over to me
Or else I'll water your lawn
With my Halloweenie
In the middle of the night

[Bathroom break]

I'm not thrilled about your neighbor's supplies
God knows I've never been a Tootsie Roll fan
& Please explain it to those Globetrotter guys -
I'm just an innocent ghost and not the Ku Klux Klan

In the middle of the night
I go out to trick-or-treat
You can turn your lights off
But I'll never retreat
I will lean on your doorbell
I will stomp in the cold
Please don't tell me it's wrong
Though I'm thirty years old

In the middle of the night

© 2004+ Spaff, LLC
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