Parody of Flobots' "Handlebars"
Lyrics by M. Spaff Sumsion

Mercy Malick: Lead Vocal
Project Sisyphus: Casting & Recording
Robert Lund: Everything Else

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I can lead the world with no résumé
No résumé
No résumé
I can be VP with no expertise
No specialties
No grad degrees

Look at me! Look at me!
I'm Miss Congeniality
I finally got my first passport
And a cult of personality

I can show you how to whack a puck
I can show you how to sack librarians
I can shoot guns from a pickup truck
At arctic wolves and vegetarians

I can put lipstick on a pit bull
I can put lipstick on a hog
I can trot out my daughter Bristol
But don't mention her on your liberal blog

Yay! Jews for Jesus and Pentecostals!
I can body-check a hockey ref
Remember, boys, when you're feeling hostile
I'm a total V.P.I.L.F.!

I can take your mind off of Troopergate
Off of Troopergate
'Cause I'm super great
And you can build a bridge from Ketchikan
To Ketchikan
You betcha can!

Lucky me! Lucky me!
I stole the buzz from HRC
I just got off my ATV
And now I rule the RNC

I'm straight vanilla
Your flavor du jour
I'm Miss Wasilla

I machine-gun the myth of evolution
With Amendment Two of the Constitution
The Arctic Refuge requires pollution
No man is an island but I'm Aleutian

I own the sea just like Poseidon
If you eat salmon my lead will widen
If anyone out there's still decidin'
Remember I'm hotter than Whatsisname Biden!

I can skin a moose with a table knife
With a table knife
But I'm a stable wife
And I can make a world with no democrats
No whiny brats
No commie rats

And I can Git-R-Done 'cause I'm anti-noise!
I'm anti-boys!
I'm anti-toys!
I'm anti-voice!
I'm anti-choice!
I'm anti-choice!

I can lead a state with no residents
No residents
No residents
I can lead a state with no residents
When Johnny dies
I'm President

© 2008+ Spaff, LLC
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