HAIL MARIE! MEDLEY
Lyrics by M. Spaff Sumsion
© Spaff.com 2004+

At the March 2004 launch party for Marie Osmond's "Marie and Friends" radio program, Robert Lund and his band performed this parody medley for Sister Osmond and the other VI (and not-so-VI) Ps. My reward was twofold: (1) Marie's signature on my pristine 1973 Paper Roses album, and (2) her reaction to the Goin' Coconuts line: "That was low!"

DEEP PURPLE

When the Beehive State calls
And you need a break from dolls
And you want a gig without that
Donny guy (-hi-i-i-i)

When you flash us those honkin' teeth
You're darling enough to be
Homecoming Queen
At the Y (-ee-yi-ee-yi-ee - mm hmm)

So who needs purple socks
Or a TV show on Fox
When there's radio!
Where we're narrow and straight

And as long as your fame extends
We'll welcome "Marie and Friends"
Here at the Bee - 98 (point!)(seven!)
Here at the Bee - 98

PAPER ROSES

You realize that other states would boast 'em
If they had superstar-ish families
So here's a toast - let's raise a glass of Postum
To Utah's only true celebrities!

Praise the Osmonds!
Praise the Osmonds!
But especially we Hail Marie
Full of grace in
Weber Basin
While her brothers dwell in Mis-sou-ri

I'M A LITTLE BIT COUNTRY

I'm a little bit Ogden
I'm a little bit Hollywood
I'm a little bit Janet Jackson
With a lot of Molly Mormon in my blood
Hawaiian Punch may still be bad
But QVC's been good
I'm a little bit Hick Town
And I'm a little bit 'N Da Hood!

MAY TOMORROW BE A PERFECT DAY

May your new gig
Be a perfect gig
May your Arbitron ratings be reeeeally big
And may Zion
Stay obsessed with you
Till you film "Goin' Coconuts 2"

Good night, everybody!