I just got married and moved out of town
Bought some kids and a vinyl fence
I'm settling down
But this relocation has frazzled my nerves
It's hard to be a street-walking crack whore
Out here in the burbs

Where I've been
Hookin' for drugs in all the wrong places
Hookin' for drugs in green public spaces
Picking up johns rounding the bases
At grade school kickball games
Knockin' on doors like a girl scout with cookies
In search of smack for my nookie
I blow for blow
Hookin' for drugs

I strip at the strip malls and park in the parks
I really love my neighbors
Except for the narcs
But there's no red-light district to practice my art
So instead I'm the blue-light special
Down at K-Mart

And I keep
Hookin' for drugs in all the wrong places
Hookin' for drugs at the Scrapbook Oasis
Parkin' my van in handicapped spaces
At Sam's Club and Applebee's
Hopin' to score a morphine prescription
Tradin' my pediatrician
My junk for junk
Hookin' for drugs

One day I felt guilty and told my priest
And right away my sales increased

He joined me
Hookin' for drugs in all the wrong places
Hookin' for drugs at St. Mary Teresa's
Workin' the crowds at bicycle races
And the drive-through at Dairy Queen
Hopin' to feed my speedball addiction
Down at the Franciscan mission
My crack buys crack
Hookin' for drugs

It's my junk for junk
Hookin' for drugs

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