Spaff.com "He's Always Benedict to Me" parody of Bowling for Soup's "1985"

Reportedly, Pope Benedict XVI (back when he was Cardinal Ratzinger) proclaimed rock music "an instrument of the devil" and warned against the satanic influence of such groups as the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Queen, Led Zeppelin and the Eagles. Vatican officials, the story says, "identified some of the worst offenders as Alice Cooper, Black Sabbath and AC/DC," whose initials, they claimed, mean "Anti-Christ, Death to Christ." The surprising thing about the story is that the pope said nothing about the most obvious devil-spawn, Michael Bolton.

HE'S ALWAYS BENEDICT TO ME
Parody of Bowling for Soup's "1985"
Lyrics by M. Spaff Sumsion

(Woohoohoo!)
(Woohoohoo!)

Benedict X.V.I.
He's always popping by
Not that I should mind
He brings me bread and wine
But me and der Ponteeff
Got one ongoing beef:
He says the bands I lub
Come from Beelzebub

I think I could understand this
If I liked the teen-boy bands
Maybe if I wet my pants
With Amer-can Idol fans
Or freaking Christian pop
That's Satan's bumper crop
Or hell, there's Hillary Duff -
Instead Pops
Hates the
GOOD STUFF!

Like the Stones and
The Beatles
& Queen and Floyd and Eagles
Man I don't get
His outrage
With Bonham, Jones, and Plant and Page
He's banned res
-urrection
For my LP collection
To some he's "Dear Pope" but he's
Just Ben-uh
Ben-uh
Benedict to me

(Woohoohoo!)
(Benedict to me)
(Woohoohoo!)

He says "AC"/DC
Stands for Anti-Christ
Ain't the Popemobile been
Air-Conditionized?
What's next, holy guy?
Lucy-fer in the Sky?
You'd think he'd understand
Sgt Poper's Lonely Priests Club Band

How'd he overlook
All the new crap?
The war-nut country and
The techno-metal-speed-rap?
Instead his heresies
Are old hippies
Don't get him started on
Dylan
Clapton
(Or the other young guns...)

Floyd and
The Eagles
& What's left of the Beatles
Man, ain't Keith Rich
-ards dead yet?
Is Ozzy really still a threat?
He's heard Al
-ice Cooper
Takes Satan up the pooper
Though some call him "Sweet Sixteen"
He's Ben-uh
Ben-uh
Benedict to me

(Woohoohoo!)

He's pissed he
Missed Woodstock
Hence the weird obsession with classic rock
I chafe at sermons
Given by Germans
Er ist der
Papst!
Papst!
PAPST!

Guess who shook

His sem
-inary?
Peter, Paul and Mary!
He won't build on
No rock there
So rest assured St Peter's square!
Won't play stuff
He sees as
More pope-u-lar than Jesus
The guy they call B-16's
Benedict to me

Gimme Stones and
The Beatles
& *Some* stuff by the Eagles
God bless Joplin
And Hendrix
And all of Papa Ratzi's picks
You know what's
Satanic?
That love song from "Titanic"!
Dude may be the Pope but he's
Just Ben-uh
Ben-uh
Benedict to me